Don't you send me to vm
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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