I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
