i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
