I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
