I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
