That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
