My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
