Duck Duck Cougar?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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