We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dick very happy bro
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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