I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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