Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
