I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
