He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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