Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
