and i looked up. we had an audience...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
