no you cant smoke seaweed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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