ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
