that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We left an ass print on the piano.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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