Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
