Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
