I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
