I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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