He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize