K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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