So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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