I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
