We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
