some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
