I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
