Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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