Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
