I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
