mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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