omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I will pee on everything he values.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
