i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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