hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
