i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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