Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
