How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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