Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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