; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
