tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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