conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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