just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
