I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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