I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
