you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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