Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
