At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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