Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
