I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
