btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
