..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
