He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
