So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In America we eat man semen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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