I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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