I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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