if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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