An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like iHOP with fire
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
