Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
