so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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