two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
