Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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