I hate your face
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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