I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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