omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize