The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize