Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
where are my eyebrows?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
