Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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